A Social Imperative New Perspectives on Domestic Violence originally written for WR122 at Lane Community College      I'm going to make an obvious statement: jailing abusers has not, and will not, end domestic violence. Locking up batterers is our current solution, and domestic violence isn't going anywhere--in Oregon alone 124 women were killed by their past or current partners between 1997 and 2003 (Register-Guard). So if jail doesn't work, why is it considered so irreplaceable? The two main arguments for jailing abusers are that it physically keeps them from re-offending, and that it serves as a deterrent, preventing abuse from ever happening. If it actually deterred people, the problem would be going away--it's not. Of course jail provides temporary safety, but as soon as they're released, even after a full and lengthy sentence, they are free to abuse again. Actually ending domestic violence, as with any social transgression, requires understanding and addressing root causes. Putting people in jail requires neither. Understanding Domestic Violence       Domestic violence is often seen as merely physical--primarily hitting, or "battering" as it were. While it certainly includes the wide range of ways that a person can physically abuse another, an accurate definition must encompass a much broader array of behavior. This definition includes all of the following: coercion and threats, intimidation, economic abuse, using privilege, using children, minimizing, denying and blaming, isolation, and emotional abuse. Tying all of these behaviors together, we can define domestic violence as a "pattern of coercive control that one person exercises over another in order to dominate and get his way. Abuse is behavior that physically harms, arouses fear, prevents a person from doing what she wants, or compels her to behave in ways she does not freely choose." (Schecter) The key here is that it is a pattern of coercion--it is conscious, goal-oriented behavior. The Roots of Violence       Misconceptions about the nature of inter-personal violence abound. Many believe that violent behavior is an anger problem. In fact, many people think that their emotions cause them to act in a certain way. "It happened in the heat of the moment" one might say. We claim that our actions were "provoked" by another. "I acted that way because I felt so _____." Fill in the blank. While one might happen to feel angry when they abuse their partner, this is in no way the cause. Again, domestic abuse is goal-oriented, whether or not they're angry about it is irrelevant. Batterers don't just snap whenever they get mad, hitting whomever is pissing them off, be it a boss, cop, or grocery clerk. It is true that domestic violence is taking control, not losing it.       Another common misunderstanding is that it is brought on by substance abuse. Like anger, drug and alcohol abuse may coexist with domestic violence, but the relationship is not causal. Simply ask ourself how many drinks you'd have to consume before you'd sexually abuse a child. For most people, the answer is that it doesn't matter, they'd never do it. While people often give themselves permission to do things while they're intoxicated, it's the permission they give, not the substance which results in abuse.       Because people often can't, or don't want to, relate to perpetrators, batterers are often seen as fundamentally different. The idea is usually that they are mentally ill, that it's a sickness, that there is something "wrong" with them, and that they need to be "fixed." This is apparent in labels like "psycho," and statements like "they need treatment." This is a crucial issue, because if someone is simply broken, they are absolved of responsibility for their actions, and in addition, whomever "treats" them is responsible for any relapse in their behavior. Seeing domestic violence as a sickness actually prevents accountability from being taken.       The bottom line is that domestic violence, like all behavior, is a choice. We need to recognize that we are not dealing with a disease, with drug and alcohol addiction, or with anger problems--we are dealing with individuals choosing to control and harm others. Only then can we develop and implement actual solutions.       Additionally, perpetrators believe they are in the right. Their thoughts, rooted in their belief systems, justify their actions. We would never sexually molest a child, no matter how drunk we were. Likewise, if they believed that they weren't justified in doing so, they would simply choose not to abuse. At the core of the belief systems used to justify domestic violence lies sexism.1 This takes the form of a general sense of male-superiority, as well as very specific beliefs about how women should behave--particularly within male-female relationships (e.g., taking on "traditional" female roles like cooking, cleaning and child-rearing, sexual roles, and/or generally serving the man's needs and desires). In addition, it is fueled by the sexist belief that men should be in control of the women in their lives. In the minds of batterers, domestic abuse becomes the woman's fault--it would never have happened if she did what she was supposed to do.       Sexism is not just the bias of the perpetrator, it is also the form of institutional oppression which throws its weight behind him. It is the reason battered women are blamed or not believed. It is the reason people ask "why doesn't she leave?" instead of "why doesn't he stop?"2 It takes the form of unsympathetic cops, judges, and attorneys, and colluding friends, coworkers, and family members. It is the reason women sometimes think that it is their fault. It is the source from which batterers adopted sexist beliefs in the first place. It is the cultural thread, spanning time and location, which connects the oppressive ways of the Taliban to the Salem witch trials, the global sex trade to the glass ceiling, and the lack of women in elected office to the unending brutality of domestic violence. Every time a woman is given unequal respect, power and influence in the broader society, batterers are given the message that they are right. Solutions       Domestic violence, like sexism, is complex and rooted in culture and tradition. A comprehensive solution must be just as multifaceted. I believe it should be threefold: prevention, safety, and remediation of harm. I hope that I've illustrated the importance of looking at the problem in a manner which is broad in scope and analysis. Likewise, potential solutions must be more creative, bold and informed than simply building jail beds in order to warehouse batterers a bit longer. Prevention       Here in the U.S., we live in a culture which values "magic bullets" and cures more than addressing the causes of problems. However, if we do not work on prevention, we will always be in crisis, wondering what to do now that something has happened. Now that we have an understanding of domestic violence, we can work to prevent it. There's not much we could do to keep crazy psychos, or people with anger problems from existing, but we're working with a cultural belief system--something we all have a hand in.       Men have a particular responsibility in this regard. We are the ones, by and large, who carry out sexist behaviors, and whether we know it or not, we benefit from the iniquity of sexism. The inequalities of sexism which are suffered by women, are conversely enjoyed on varying levels by all men--not just those who perpetuate the worst of it. As comforting as it is to distance ourselves from batterers3, it is vital to recognize that their abuse is on the same continuum of behavior as degrading jokes or comments, and subtle actions like ignoring or stereotyping women. It is not so simple as just taking a stance "against domestic violence." We have been thoroughly acculturated into a sexist society, and we must dig deep in a persistent and genuine effort to unlearn the values of male-superiority. Then we must act in a way that reflects this anti-sexist awareness. Not only does this weaken the social supports behind the actions of abusers, it offers a new example of masculinity, after which boys can model themselves. This can and should be proactive in nature. Whether it's educating about sexism and gender roles through in-school programs, or in the context of socially conscious parenting, action must be taken in order to raise a generation of boys who would never think to treat women without respect and equality.       In addition, we must work to transform our society so that it no longer reflects a long history of women's disempowerment and abuse. Children are not just influenced by what we try to teach them, but also by what they see in the world. Where is the precedent that affirms to girls and women that they can be and do anything they want? We need to make that ideal a reality. Safety       Another issue is the creation of safety for survivors of domestic violence. This is already being addressed by a growing number of shelters around the country. There are certainly improvements to be made in this area--most notably the lack of accessibility for under-served populations of survivors like gay men, trans folks, illegal immigrants, and people with disabilities. By and large, however, the women who run these shelters are doing amazing work. Where the major change is needed, is in prioritizing these services and offering them the social and financial support they require to meet the demand.       I began by saying that jailing batterers doesn't solve the problem. I also believe that incarceration in general is not productive, or particularly ethical, and would love to see it abolished. However, I understand that this is a rather utopian goal in lieu of the fact that the U.S. imprisons a higher proportion of its citizens than any other country on the planet. In an ideal world we wouldn't need prisons at all. Domestic violence would be so scorned by the community, and the community would be so tight-knit, that dangerous men would not have access to the women and children they were abusing. Unfortunately, however, most people don't really understand domestic violence, and know more about random celebrities than they know about their neighbors. Until some foundational cultural changes are made--and I believe they must--jail, or something like it, may be necessary to ensure the short-term safety of those in abusive situations. Remediation       By remediation, I mean that those who choose to abuse another should be held fully accountable for their actions, and for all of the long- and short-term harms suffered as a result. First off, I think it's important to say that the person abused should be the primary force behind defining accountability in a given situation. This could include actually paying for any direct losses (i.e., from economic abuse and destruction of property), as well as indirect losses from reduced productivity, inability to get or hold a job, etcetera. It can also mean paying for any related services, be they shelter services, therapy, child care, or a program addressing their own behavior.       Accountability must also encompass the choices and beliefs of the batterer. He must take responsibility for his abusive actions, and work to adopt new ideas regarding women, gender roles, and power and control. He must cultivate empathy and awareness, and develop a safety plan to help ensure that he will make different choices.       We have a rather twisted idea of justice in this country. We say that jail time equals accountability--that a prisoner is "paying his debt to society," when in reality, society pays over $30,000 per year to keep him there. Surely there are better uses for that money. Many domestic violence intervention programs are misguided (e.g., "anger management" classes), but there are well-informed programs out there. If we understand the nature of the problem, and set our priorities accordingly, we will have plenty of resources to develop creative, intelligent and comprehensive intervention programs.       I wish there was a simple answer. I wish I could have argued for a clear and easily implemented action with guaranteed and measurable results. However, because domestic violence is enmeshed in centuries of our cultural beliefs and practices, it is not something one person or group, no matter how powerful, can eliminate. It is not a problem we can merely write our congress-people about, and free our consciences of obligation. In honor of the women who have suffered and died at the hands of men who professed to love them, and for the sake of those still enduring abuse, we must challenge each other and we must challenge ourselves. We must take personal responsibility for making the world a safer place.    1DV does occur in same-sex and trans relationships. However, it is important to realize that even in these situations, there is a primary aggressor, and though it may not be sexism, they are taking advantage of a power imbalance.    2I think it's worthwhile at this point to discuss a few myths about domestic violence. A common one is "it's partly her fault if she stays with him." People usually have second thoughts about this belief when they hear that the period directly after leaving an abuser is statistically the most fatal period for women. When someone is being abused, they usually know when it is safe to leave and when it's not. Regardless, no one is ever at fault for being abused--no one ever chooses it. Another popular myth is that "some women subconsciously look for abusive partners." Abusers look for targets who are vulnerable. Why can't we shift our perspective from seeing women as choosing abusive partners, to seeing batterers as targeting vulnerable women? In addition, abusers are extremely manipulative and deceitful. They rarely act disrespectful or controlling in the early stages of a relationship.    3I realize that using the label "batterer" in itself works to reinforce the idea that they are fundamentally different from the rest of us. However, I will continue to employ the term in this paper, as using a more literal description, like "men who chronically choose to abuse and/or control their partners" would be too unwieldy. Schechter, S. (1987). Guidelines for mental health practitioners in domestic violence cases. Washington, DC: National Coalition Against Domestic Violence. Register Guard. (2005). Domestic Violence: By the Numbers. Available: http://www.registerguard.com/news/2005/02/21/a9.dvstats.0221.html. Last Accessed 10 March 2005.